I really do not want to live my life this way . I have so many things I want and I can only say I had been living in regrets on a daily basis .
I have not actually have been slim or anywhere close to it .
I have not wore the clothes/shoes I only can imagine myself wearing .
I have not received a decent bouquet of flowers EVER though I am not really a fan of it .
I have not been on a holiday trip with the love one .
I have not been able to live one day without wishing I was someone else .
I have not find out my purpose in life, it should not be study , work , get married and have kids .
I have not have any hobbies or good habits .
I have not been proud of myself , of the things I do and not do .
I have not tried hard enough to become who I really can be .
I have not been able to live past my past because I want to believe that remembering the past makes me stronger .
I have not been able to let go of all the hurt and anger .
I have not been able to trust .
I have not been happy .. at all .
I have not been able to believe that the good will come .
I have not really figure out who I am inside .
I have not have anyone I can talk to about everything and anything .
I have not told most people of my darkest secrets .
I have not been able to sleep well at night .
I have not had the best-day-of-my-life feeling .
I have not have so many things I wanted and prayed for .
I have not have a miracle in my life .
I believe I will never be happy , never have the things I wanted most , never be able to live the life I want and never have my one wish fulfilled .
I would trade anything at all for my wish to come true but deep down I know it never will yet that is the only thing keeping me alive . I cannot remember when was the last time I ever went to bed without hoping that by the next day I wake up , my wish would finally come true and how it never did .
I really do not want to live another day of this and no , I am not suicidal . I do not have the guts . I just want this to stop . I don't know how but I just want this to stop .
